Saturday, 18 July 2009

An unfortunate event

CNN on a slow news day have just published the results of their "Mans Greatest Achievement Survey". Oddly the lunar landings were not on the list at all which was made up of woeful replies likes the "computer" or "fire" (which wasn't exactly man's achievement) and were followed by even more unrelated entries like "world peace" (which simply proves people don't listen to the question). Anyway a very thin article

Of course you and I know that man's greatest achievement is the Cat Flap, but like those in the survey you are probably too scared to suggest it, driven by a mandate to be come up with a seemingly profound and deep answer.

Anyway here's mans worst one. It's Lycra.

Let me explain. Years ago, and normally after Christmas you had to diet to get back into your clothes. That doesn't need to happen any more because Lyra just says "I'll be any size you want me to be", and that's why we have so many overweight people. Lycra first appeared in Star Trek and the only reason we had "The next Generation" was because the original lot were at the clinic getting stomach bands fitted.

So what is man's greatest achievement in Sailing do you think? Rope advancement has to be up there, as does building materials. All significant but is Hydro foiling one? Darwin would be proud. We are learning to fly all over again and without an engine too.

Nope, the most significant invention was made by Doug Culnane at the European Championships this summer. Most people put the cover on backwards, inside out or sideways 78% of the time. Doug is making one out of prisoner uniform material, and all the arrows point to the front. Utter brilliance and right up there with the Cat Flap.

Anyway its kinda hard to think of doing well in the Worlds having just come last in the Nationals.. I intended to do well, despite arriving a day late, but I had a breakage and on a wet beach in Wales, with one umbrella between 37 sailors and a lone battery powered dremel, I knew when I was beaten. So this past few days I've been fixing the boat and it now incorporates a lot of elements from the less glamorous side of the periodic table.

Congratulations to Australian Moth National Champion Nathan Outteridge for winning the 49er Worlds in lake Garda. He'll be at the Gorge and what racing it will be!


Doug Culnane said...

Finally I got some Moth design stuff right. However to be fair I have yet to prototype the idea, but it sounded like it would work after 4 beers.

However I am faced with a greater challenge at the moment. How do you get the cover to drain. I had 200Kg of rain water collected in mine that has damaged the hull. Maybe a fish net prison uniform material... I will have to check my local fetish store to see if they can supply the material.

gecko_girl said...

I took that photo...

Simon Payne said...

You did, and your fiancee gave me permission to use it!

gecko_girl said...

Naughty fiance!

But as it is you, I'll let him off this time!