Saturday, 8 March 2008

Gawp ban

A man gets funny feelings when Spring is upon him, and I got one of those those feelings yesterday. Without really thinking about it I had an inescapable urge to be out on my motorbike.

But it's a dangerous business...It used to be BMW drivers who tried to kill you (more recently Audi's) resentful that in their little tin can, you were coming past...

But this is all part of being on a bike, and honestly there is a much more serious threat out there.. And accordingly to keep myself alive on my bike I have instigated a self imposed "Gawp Ban".

I've done this since a mate of mine was out on his, and under the protection of a black visor, he glanced left to look at a pretty girl. He woke up in hospital five hours later having glass pulled out of his arse. He'd ridden into the back of a Co-Op milk float.

Yes folks I'm afraid I blame girls, but in fairness it happens less and less because they are all so fat. And frankly I think its completely the fault of Dupont... because they invented Lycra.

You used to have to diet when you couldn't do your jeans up, but not anymore. Lycra says "I'll be any size you want me to be" and it turns perfectly healthy women into air bags, but I suppose I should be grateful, its saving my life...If not their's.

But this got me thinking, Half the singlehanded sailing world is on a diet at the moment so they can sail Moths. How about that? And we have our own "born agains" who last sailed a moth when it was made of wattle and daub. They all have a real reason to stay fit now. And so for health reasons we should ban any initiative which includes a sail area over 8sq metres. We are a sport that your doctor would approve of. Good eh?

Ha! Maybe soon will need "Gawp bans" too.

3 comments:

Fred said...

Great post, though I do not undertand: "Gawp bans" but got the message. Lycra and girls and myself trying hard to shelf off at least 3 kgs until Kiel.

Anja said...

So if you ever come to Berlin on your bike you will be perfectly safe.
Concerning girls it is: fat, fatter, Berlin.
Of course there are still all those maniacs in cars who can't drive at all...

Anonymous said...

Fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round.